30 Funny Responses to “What Have You Cooked Lately?”

We’ve all been asked “What have you cooked lately?” at least once—by friends, family, coworkers, or even nosy neighbors. Sometimes, people are genuinely curious, and other times, they’re just making conversation. But let’s be real: not everyone has been whipping up gourmet dishes or experimenting with five-star recipes. Funny Responses to “What Have You Cooked Lately?”.

When someone asks the question “What have you cooked lately?” At me, my mind instantly goes on a culinary journey filled with both small wins and epic misadventures. I often answer humorously, because being in the kitchen can be as rewarding as it is challenging. Friends expect amusing responses, but my adventures are usually more of an exploration of burnt toast, a forgotten dish in the fridge, or a takeout menu I treated like a secret recipe.

As a novice who sometimes plays the role of saboteur, I’ve been a delegator passing tasks to an assistant, a procrastinator staring at tomatoes, and even a skeptic of my own “gourmet” skills. My family’s reactions range from lighthearted laughter to traumatized silence, especially when the smoke detector joins in as an uninvited cheerleader.

Looking back, I can remember the time I burned pasta so badly it traumatizes me whenever I see a pot of water boil. I gave a sarcastic reply once: “Dinner was a masterpiece—the smell alone could jeopardize a small house.” Sometimes I act the avoidant phantom, hoping someone else will prepare the meal, or I joke like a pyrotechnician after a tiny mishap that felt like arson.

My funny answers usually carry a self-deprecating twist: “I’ve become a connoisseur of instant noodles and microwave meals.” Behind these jokes is a mix of creativity, mistakes, and a willingness to admit that cooking is a dynamic mix of drama, triumphs, and the occasional catastrophe. To me, humor is not just an ingredient; it’s the safest way to handle the pressure, the bother, and the endless inquiry about my latest kitchen experiment.

Table of Contents

1. “Does ordering pizza count as cooking?”

Best Use: With close friends or coworkers who know you don’t cook much.
Not to Use: At a formal dinner where you’re supposed to bring a dish.
Other Ways to Say: “I let the delivery guy cook for me.”
Example: Friend: What have you cooked lately?
You: Does ordering pizza count as cooking?

2. “I mastered boiling water… twice!”

Best Use: When joking about having no cooking skills.
Not to Use: With your mother-in-law who expects serious meals.
Other Ways to Say: “I’m basically a water chef now.”
Example: Coworker: What did you cook?
You: I boiled water… two times. Michelin star incoming!

3. “Burnt toast, but I call it ‘extra crispy’.”

Best Use: When you’ve actually had a small kitchen fail.
Not to Use: At a fancy brunch where burnt food isn’t funny.
Other Ways to Say: “I made charcoal toast.”
Example: Sibling: Cooked anything lately?
You: Yeah, burnt toast. I like to call it extra crispy.

4. “I cooked up some excuses.”

Best Use: With people who know your sense of humor.
Not to Use: In professional meetings where food was expected.
Other Ways to Say: “I cooked up lies instead of meals.”
Example: Friend: What have you cooked lately?
You: Honestly? Just excuses.

5. “Reservations.”

Best Use: Short, witty response for friends.
Not to Use: When people are genuinely expecting recipe tips.
Other Ways to Say: “I cook by dialing a number.”
Example: Colleague: So, cooking anything these days?
You: Yep—reservations.

6. “I whipped up cereal with milk.”

Best Use: For light-hearted conversations.
Not to Use: When someone is seriously into culinary skills.
Other Ways to Say: “I prepared gourmet Frosted Flakes.”
Example: Neighbor: What have you cooked?
You: A fine dish of cereal and milk. Very avant-garde.

7. “Microwave magic.”

Best Use: When joking about lazy cooking.
Not to Use: At a foodie gathering.
Other Ways to Say: “Chef Microwave at your service.”
Example: Friend: Cook anything?
You: Just some microwave magic.

8. “Stress stew—I’m the main ingredient.”

Best Use: When you’re overwhelmed but want humor.
Not to Use: Around people who won’t get sarcasm.
Other Ways to Say: “Anxiety casserole.”
Example: Coworker: What’s cooking?
You: Stress stew, served fresh daily.

9. “Toast… but without burning it this time.”

Best Use: When proud of a small win.
Not to Use: With people expecting an actual dish.
Other Ways to Say: “A perfectly golden masterpiece.”
Example: Sibling: What’s new in the kitchen?
You: Toast! And I didn’t burn it this time.

10. “Nothing edible.”

Best Use: When your kitchen experiments fail.
Not to Use: If people are expecting to taste it.
Other Ways to Say: “Mostly disasters.”
Example: Friend: What have you cooked lately?
You: Nothing edible, but the smoke alarm enjoyed it.

11. “I made the smoke alarm sing.”

Best Use: Funny reply when you’ve had a cooking mishap.
Not to Use: With people who worry too much.
Other Ways to Say: “I cooked chaos.”
Example: Roommate: Cooking again?
You: Yeah, the smoke alarm even joined in.

12. “I cooked… but it’s classified information.”

Best Use: For playful mystery.
Not to Use: When someone seriously wants to know.
Other Ways to Say: “Top secret recipe.”
Example: Friend: What did you cook?
You: Classified. CIA level secrecy.

13. “I’m still defrosting my motivation.”

Best Use: For light sarcasm.
Not to Use: Around people who might judge laziness.
Other Ways to Say: “My oven is on vacation.”
Example: Coworker: Cook lately?
You: Still defrosting my motivation.

14. “Leftovers à la fridge.”

Best Use: When living on leftovers.
Not to Use: At a party where you’re expected to cook fresh.
Other Ways to Say: “Recycled cuisine.”
Example: Friend: Cooking updates?
You: Leftovers straight from the fridge.

15. “A mess. Want some?”

Best Use: With friends who get your humor.
Not to Use: When someone might take you literally.
Other Ways to Say: “I cooked chaos.”
Example: Sibling: Cooked anything?
You: A mess. Want a plate?

16. “I cooked the vibes.”

Best Use: When you’re in a social mood.
Not to Use: In serious food conversations.
Other Ways to Say: “I cooked good energy.”
Example: Friend: What’s cooking?
You: Just the vibes.

17. “I made coffee, does that count?”

Best Use: Casual mornings.
Not to Use: When asked about real meals.
Other Ways to Say: “I cooked liquid energy.”
Example: Neighbor: Cook lately?
You: Yeah, brewed some coffee. My specialty.

18. “Kitchen chaos with a hint of regret.”

Best Use: Funny description of a failed dish.
Not to Use: At professional gatherings.
Other Ways to Say: “A recipe for disaster.”
Example: Friend: How’s the cooking?
You: Chaos, with a pinch of regret.

19. “Instant noodles—chef’s kiss.”

Best Use: Relatable and funny.
Not to Use: When bragging about gourmet cooking.
Other Ways to Say: “Five-star ramen.”
Example: Coworker: Cooking anything?
You: Instant noodles, five-star style.

20. “Just cooked my patience.”

Best Use: Stressful weeks.
Not to Use: When someone expects food.
Other Ways to Say: “Patience soufflé.”
Example: Friend: What did you cook?
You: My patience. It’s overcooked though.

21. “I cooked… a good excuse not to cook.”

Best Use: Lighthearted chats.
Not to Use: Serious dinner parties.
Other Ways to Say: “I baked an alibi.”
Example: Neighbor: Cook anything?
You: Yeah, a good excuse to order takeout.

22. “A relationship with my microwave.”

Best Use: Playful exaggeration.
Not to Use: When people might pity you.
Other Ways to Say: “Microwave romance.”
Example: Friend: Cooked something?
You: Yeah, me and my microwave are in a serious relationship.

23. “I cooked… but even my dog wouldn’t eat it.”

Best Use: Honest but funny admission.
Not to Use: If you’re feeding actual guests.
Other Ways to Say: “It didn’t pass the taste test.”
Example: Sibling: What’s for dinner?
You: Something so bad, even the dog refused.

24. “I cooked disappointment.”

Best Use: When food turns out bad.
Not to Use: With people who expect compliments.
Other Ways to Say: “A tray of sadness.”
Example: Friend: Cook lately?
You: Yep, disappointment on a plate.

25. “Does reheating count?”

Best Use: Casual, light joke.
Not to Use: In foodie groups.
Other Ways to Say: “Chef Microwave at it again.”
Example: Colleague: What’s cooking?
You: Reheated leftovers. That counts, right?

Conclusion

Cooking is more than food—it’s about connection, humor, and sharing experiences. Whether you’re a gourmet chef, a cereal specialist, or a microwave magician, responding with a touch of wit and warmth makes conversations more engaging.

Personally, I’ve used a few of these lines myself (especially the “Does ordering pizza count?” one—it’s a classic). The beauty of these responses is that they keep the conversation flowing while adding a smile.

So the next time someone asks, “What have you cooked lately?”—you’ll have 30 ways to make them laugh instead of giving the usual boring reply.

Editor’s Picks: Top 10 Funny Responses People Love

“Does ordering pizza count?” – Relatable and universally funny.
“Reservations.” – Short, sharp, and witty.
“I mastered boiling water.” – Perfect for self-deprecating humor.
“Burnt toast, but I call it extra crispy.” – Great for relatable cooking fails.
“Instant noodles—chef’s kiss.” – Everyone relates to ramen nights.
“I cooked the vibes.” – Modern, playful, and trendy.
“I made the smoke alarm sing.” – Funny because it’s true for many.
“Microwave magic.” – Light and easy humor.
“I cooked disappointment.” – Dramatic yet hilarious.
“Does reheating count?” – A simple classic that works anywhere.

william moria

What are You Looking For?