Whether it’s hinting that they’re hiding stolen dollars, or that their coffee mug is plotting with a toaster and a blender, it’s all about timing. I’ve even joked that my car runs on unicorn tears, or that their cat is a chess player living in a refrigerator portal to another dimension ruled by an agent from a society of talking llamas.
Once, during a slow sunday, I told a friend the sky was blue because the moon was made of cheese, and the look on their face was priceless. I’ve tossed in color twists like neon pink favorites, claimed their shoelaces were staging a rebellion against their shoes, or that my shadow moonlights as a comedian. In heated moments, I’ve hinted at a showdown where the sponge and plate fight over kitchen dominance, or framed my thoughts as cosmic brain vault mysteries.
I’ve delivered lines with enough warmth to hide the intensity, played it like a puzzle piece in a life saga, or used a small dose of awesome to win the battlefield of conversation. Throwing in a sudoku-level twist confuses the crowd, especially when bait leads to comeback moments filled with laughing, teasing, and the occasional condescending statement.
Over time, I’ve redeemed awkward chats by bragging with clever one-liners, showing the value of quick knowledge, a curious retort, and perfect attention to the obvious. Sprinkle in laughter, dodge jealousy, make them rethink, tease without malice, brag stylishly, and watch their reaction in body language—that’s when you know you’ve nailed it.
When someone asks the casual question “What do you know?” your way, they’re often looking for light banter, a playful reply, or just a spark to keep the conversation going. The magic lies in responding with warmth, humor, and a dash of personality.
In my experience, these kinds of moments can break the ice, make you memorable, and keep interactions from falling into awkward silence. Below are 30 funny responses—split into 25 conversational styles—each with examples, usage tips, and alternative phrases.
1. “Enough to be dangerous.”
A cheeky answer suggesting you know just enough to stir the pot (in a fun way).
Best Use:
When joking with friends or coworkers who appreciate a little mischief.
Not to Use:
In serious, professional settings where sarcasm could be misunderstood.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to cause a little chaos.”
- “Just enough to keep things interesting.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to be dangerous… and I have coffee.”
Read More: Best Comebacks When Someone Makes Fun Of Your Height
2. “More than I did five minutes ago.”
Playful and self-aware—perfect for casual chats.
Best Use:
When you’ve just learned something or finished Googling a fact.
Not to Use:
If the person is genuinely asking for important information.
Other Ways to Say:
- “More than yesterday, less than tomorrow.”
- “A little more than a goldfish.”
Example:
Coworker: “What do you know?”
You: “More than I did five minutes ago… thanks to YouTube.”
3. “Just enough to get me in trouble.”
This one’s lighthearted with a touch of rebel energy.
Best Use:
Among close friends or during light office banter.
Not to Use:
With authority figures—could be misread as you actually are in trouble.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to push some buttons.”
- “Enough to need a lawyer.”
Example:
Buddy: “What do you know?”
You: “Just enough to get me in trouble… and you too.”
4. “That the cake is a lie.”
A gaming culture nod (Portal fans know).
Best Use:
With fellow gamers or pop-culture lovers.
Not to Use:
If the other person doesn’t get the reference—it’ll fall flat.
Other Ways to Say:
- “That life is basically DLC.”
- “That Mario always saves the princess.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “That the cake is a lie… but the cookies are real.”
5. “Just the usual top-secret stuff.”
Gives a spy-like, mysterious flair.
Best Use:
When you want to be playful and keep them guessing.
Not to Use:
In an actual interview or formal inquiry.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Classified information.”
- “On a need-to-know basis.”
Example:
Colleague: “What do you know?”
You: “Just the usual top-secret stuff… but you’re not cleared for it.”
6. “Enough to fill a fortune cookie.”
Light and whimsical—good for casual humor.
Best Use:
When you want to be cute without being sarcastic.
Not to Use:
In debates or factual conversations.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to write a tweet.”
- “Enough for a headline, not the article.”
Example:
Sister: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to fill a fortune cookie… but I’ll need soy sauce.”
7. “I know I’m awesome.”
Confident and cheeky—best for friends.
Best Use:
Among people who know your sense of humor.
Not to Use:
With strangers—it can sound arrogant if tone is unclear.
Other Ways to Say:
- “That I’m fabulous.”
- “That my hair looks amazing today.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “I know I’m awesome… and you’re welcome.”
8. “That Mondays are overrated.”
Relatable humor—works especially on Mondays.
Best Use:
At the start of the workweek.
Not to Use:
On Friday… loses the punch.
Other Ways to Say:
- “That coffee is essential.”
- “That weekends should last longer.”
Example:
Coworker: “What do you know?”
You: “That Mondays are overrated… and coffee is my only ally.”
9. “A little bit about everything, a master of naps.”
A modern twist on “jack of all trades.”
Best Use:
With people who enjoy silly exaggerations.
Not to Use:
When someone is genuinely testing your expertise.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Master of snacks.”
- “Expert in procrastination.”
Example:
Cousin: “What do you know?”
You: “A little bit about everything, a master of naps.”
10. “Enough to write a sitcom.”
Suggests your life (or knowledge) is full of comedy material.
Best Use:
In fun group conversations.
Not to Use:
When serious topics are being discussed.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough for a Netflix special.”
- “Enough to make a podcast.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to write a sitcom… starring you.”
11. “Just that you owe me coffee.”
Funny and a bit opportunistic.
Best Use:
When talking to someone who actually owes you coffee or lunch.
Not to Use:
With someone you just met—it can sound too direct.
Other Ways to Say:
- “That you still owe me a donut.”
- “That my coffee cup is empty.”
Example:
Colleague: “What do you know?”
You: “Just that you owe me coffee… black, two sugars.”
12. “Enough to win at trivia night.”
Self-praise wrapped in humor.
Best Use:
When talking to competitive friends.
Not to Use:
If you’re bad at trivia—they might call you out.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to dominate pub quiz.”
- “Enough to get one question right.”
Example:
Buddy: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to win at trivia night… or at least pick the team name.”
13. “That you should never trust a fart.”
Toilet humor at its finest.
Best Use:
Among close friends who love crude jokes.
Not to Use:
Anywhere near a dinner table or in professional settings.
Other Ways to Say:
- “That some gambles aren’t worth taking.”
- “That surprises aren’t always fun.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “That you should never trust a fart… life lesson.”
14. “Enough to fake confidence.”
Lightly self-deprecating but relatable.
Best Use:
When poking fun at yourself in a safe space.
Not to Use:
If you’re trying to project real confidence.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to wing it.”
- “Enough to sound smart for 30 seconds.”
Example:
Colleague: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to fake confidence and smile through it.”
15. “The Wi-Fi password.”
Suggests your “knowledge” is purely practical.
Best Use:
In tech-related conversations.
Not to Use:
When the other person actually needs the password.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Where the snacks are.”
- “How to restart the router.”
Example:
Roommate: “What do you know?”
You: “The Wi-Fi password… and that’s priceless.”
16. “That tacos fix almost anything.”
A foodie’s truth bomb—lighthearted and instantly relatable.
Best Use:
When chatting with fellow food lovers or friends planning dinner.
Not to Use:
In serious problem-solving meetings (unless it’s a taco-themed meeting, which sounds amazing).
Other Ways to Say:
- “That pizza is a form of therapy.”
- “That nachos are the answer.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “That tacos fix almost anything… except maybe my Wi-Fi.”
17. “Enough to survive a zombie apocalypse.”
A playful, end-of-the-world vibe.
Best Use:
With friends who love action movies or gaming.
Not to Use:
In conversations with people who take apocalypse theories too seriously.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to outlast the first wave.”
- “Enough to make it to the sequel.”
Example:
Buddy: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to survive a zombie apocalypse… as long as there’s coffee.”
18. “That you’re fishing for information.”
A light jab at their curiosity.
Best Use:
When the person obviously wants details without asking directly.
Not to Use:
When they’re genuinely asking for help.
Other Ways to Say:
- “That you’re digging for secrets.”
- “That you’re on a little intel mission.”
Example:
Coworker: “What do you know?”
You: “That you’re fishing for information… and I might just spill.”
19. “Enough to write a conspiracy theory.”
Suggests you’ve connected dots no one else has.
Best Use:
With friends who enjoy satire or internet humor.
Not to Use:
Around people who actually believe wild conspiracies.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough for a Netflix docuseries.”
- “Enough to make a Reddit thread go viral.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to write a conspiracy theory… starring my cat.”
20. “That naps are underrated.”
Relatable and wholesome—everyone loves naps (well, most).
Best Use:
In casual conversation, especially if you’re yawning.
Not to Use:
When your boss is asking why you missed a meeting.
Other Ways to Say:
- “That sleep is life’s cheat code.”
- “That siestas should be mandatory.”
Example:
Cousin: “What do you know?”
You: “That naps are underrated… and I’m overdue for one.”
21. “Enough to keep my plants alive… barely.”
Self-deprecating humor for plant parents.
Best Use:
When talking about hobbies or home life.
Not to Use:
If you’re known for killing every plant you touch—it could sound too sad.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to keep a cactus happy.”
- “Enough to water things… sometimes.”
Example:
Neighbor: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to keep my plants alive… barely.”
22. “That my cat secretly runs the house.”
Perfect for pet owners who know they’re not really in charge.
Best Use:
In pet-related conversations or with animal lovers.
Not to Use:
If the other person doesn’t like pets—sadly, they exist.
Other Ways to Say:
- “That the dog is the real boss.”
- “That the fish are plotting something.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “That my cat secretly runs the house… I just pay rent.”
23. “Enough to make a dad joke.”
Sets you up for a groan-worthy punchline.
Best Use:
When you actually have a dad joke ready.
Not to Use:
If the person hates puns—they might judge you forever.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to make you roll your eyes.”
- “Enough to ruin the moment with a pun.”
Example:
Friend: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to make a dad joke… but I’ll spare you.”
24. “That coffee is my love language.”
A caffeine lover’s confession.
Best Use:
With coffee-drinking friends or coworkers.
Not to Use:
With someone who’s anti-coffee (yes, they exist too).
Other Ways to Say:
- “That espresso is my hero.”
- “That caffeine is my superpower.”
Example:
Coworker: “What do you know?”
You: “That coffee is my love language… want to speak it?”
25. “Enough to get this conversation started.”
Turns the question into a playful opener.
Best Use:
When you want to steer the chat somewhere fun.
Not to Use:
If the other person clearly wants a straightforward answer.
Other Ways to Say:
- “Enough to keep this going.”
- “Enough to make things interesting.”
Example:
Stranger: “What do you know?”
You: “Enough to get this conversation started… now your turn.”
Conclusion
Humor is about timing, audience, and delivery. The right funny response to “What do you know?” can turn a bland moment into a memorable one. Keep in mind—what’s hilarious with friends might be awkward with your boss. Always read the room before dropping the punchline.
Editor’s Picks – Top 10 Responses
- “Enough to be dangerous.”
- “More than I did five minutes ago.”
- “Just enough to get me in trouble.”
- “That the cake is a lie.”
- “Just the usual top-secret stuff.”
- “Enough to fill a fortune cookie.”
- “That Mondays are overrated.”
- “Enough to win at trivia night.”
- “Enough to fake confidence.”
- “The Wi-Fi password.”
